Top 10 List...

Is was negative...OF COURSE!!! So, in light the tragic waste of money that was spent on such a ridiculous claim and silliness, I have decided to post a list of the top 10 things that $65 (or the full $130) could have been better spent on.

10. Cell phone bill
9. Half of an electric bill at my new house
8. A pair of fabulous MEK jeans from the Buckle
7. A week's worth of groceries
6. Two tanks of gas in the Excursion
5. New tattoo
4. Matching underwear and bras from Victoria's Secret
3. Six pedicures (including tips)
2. ANYTHING for the children!!!!

And the number one thing that $130 could have been better spent on especially if someone was desperate to do something to my hair...

A cut and color which I actually really need :-)

Good times!

If ya wanna keep reading it, ya gotta let me know!

Time to REALLY block out trolls :-) How hilarious that that is an issue! So, here's the thing, if you would like to maintain access to my blog for the future yet infrequent posting as to the craziness and ridiculousness of my life, please send me an email with your email so I can invite you or post it in a comment on this. Would love to have MOST of you keep reading :-)

Trimming trees, making beds, and splinters

I would like to think everyone has been wondering and wondering where an entry from me has been, and yet I am well aware that all of YOU are well aware that I am notoriously a horribly flakey blogger and a long lag time between posts from me is not only not surprising, but expected. What can I say? No real excuses, but really the best excuses ever. Whatever. It is what it is, right?

So...I would like to post a picture...or pictures...and I definitely want to change my main picture although I don't want to change it at all. Aside from that indecision, the decision is made for me, or really by me, because I haven't taken a single picture since November 28, 2008. Not one. At all. Of anything. And I would think most of you would wonder about that, because I take pictures...lots of them! Now, don't get me wrong, none of them are really any good in a professional sense, and yet I took them, lots of them, because I always wanted to capture the moments...remember little insignificant moments in time...immortalize daily uselessness and frivolity. And now I don't. And I want to...desperately...and I can't. How do I capture this? How is any of this remotely insignificant? And although extremely useless, not in any way frivolous...and I can't capture it.

So...I have replaced old guilt and regrets with ones of having no pictures for 6 months. Six months that won't be immortalized...and I think it's ok. Because I trimmed a tree yesterday. I sported my bikini top and some board shorts, got out some hedge trimmers, ran an extension cord, and trimmed the hell out of a tree. And I think I did ok...I mean it DOES still look like a tree so I'm considering that a successful outcome :-) And the branches that were low were easy, but I was a rockstar with that trimmer over my head, extension cord dangling by my side, as I jumped (yes, jumped!) with those electric trimmers over my head to get the higher branches. But I did it...by myself...and I'm a rockstar!

Then I even cleaned the trimmings. I hoe-ed all the weeds, I raked the leaves and debris, I gathered the branches cut from the tree that shadows us as we come home. And I got the most horrible splinter. And if I could find where I put anything yet, or where the remaining random items that are still packed were actually packed, I could get it out. And at the same time, I like that it's a reminder...a reminder of what I've done, what I've accomplished, and what I can be...because we all know the splinter WILL come out...and my finger will be as good as new.

So, we've moved. The boys and I. Into a fabulous little house closer to town and closer to stores and closer to school and the boys have tons of friends nearby and they ride their bikes regardless of the ridiculously hot May we are having and they go to Sonic to get themselves a $1 slush and they love it...and I love it. And we made beds. I put the beds together, one by one, screw by screw, and they are together. And we made our beds...and we are sleeping in them and we are doing it day by day as a team and together and making "this" as fabulous as we can...and honestly, it may be drastically different, but it IS fabulous! And I've made my bed. Literally and figuratively. Now, I didn't choose for the bed to necessarily get messed up the way it did...I didn't personally rip the sheets violently from the mattress...but I did leave it unmade for a while. But now I made it...and I'm sleeping in it...and it has fabulous flowers all over it! And it is amazingly wonderful how I can go from a desert of weeds to a bed of flowers in a day. Truly symbolic.

So I'm aspiring to take a picture. It will be hard. I'm sure I will cry with the first click of the shutter. I have no idea what it will be of...and yet it probably really doesn't matter. I will capture anything...and it will mean something...because it will be the first.

I have so much to say and can't really say any of it. I haven't said anything for years, but my voice is becoming more clear. And I've made a list of those who have heard it...and I will keep it forever...because it matters that I talked and I was heard. In the end, it will matter that I said it all. And I truly have so many friends...and people that have cared and do care for me. It is so poignant to realize that my friends are really more family to me that those who truly were my family. I always said that I would've rather been "like family" in that circle because it certainly meant more than the actual family. I guess I get that now...and I'm good...cuz I'm a rockstar...and I've got my rock moves! It has been interesting to see those whom have run away...and those whom have run to me. My parents and my sister have been incredible...and it all goes back to the roots. Same as the weeds and flowers and trees. It seems that sometimes the weeds grow so thick and strong...and some of them are actually pretty and have colorful flowers...and they begin to surround you until you realized they are overtaking your garden. So, you can get rid of the weeds...and you can pull them from the ground...and some are harder than others...and you may stickers in your hands from them and you may get splinters from the rake while ridding the yard of them. And then you can plant beautiful flowers...and they may be small...needing to be nurtured...but your nurturing brings forth something beautiful. And in the midst of the disappearing weeds and blossoming flowers, stands the tree. It's always been there...it can weather the storms...it shades you from the burning sun. Although the leaves may fall off in the winter, it's ok...because shade isn't needed in the winter...and the weather here has been great in the winters...but in the spring it grows full and beautiful again. And I guess I'm saying...I'm grateful for ridding my life of weeds, I'm loving watching the budding flowers, and I am eternally grateful for my tree.

I'm off to try to get out this darn splinter :-)

If ya wanna read it, read it!

So, life...is NOT a bowl of cherries! Just in case you were interested. I have unblocked by blog simply because I am too lazy at this point to find, enter, and co-ordinate the email addresses of people I know to allow you guys to read my infrequent, yet wildly entertaining blog. I blocked it to keep a few OUT, and decided it wasn't worth my trouble :-) So much harder here than on Facebook, right? Anyway, if ya wanna read it...read it! If I were you, I definitely would :-)

In light of life, hope everyone is having a fabulous 2009! It has started rocky here which may be good...no where to go but up, right! All about positive thinking...LOL! If that were only true!

To those of you who have been around, thanks! I love you guys :-)

Ode to a boob job...

So, how does this book apply to title and picture below? Bear with me...I will get you there! So here's the deal...for those of you who don't know, I had my boobs "enhanced". For those of you who do know, just a reminder to get you where I'm going with this. And to those of you who have issues with it, get over it :-) They are sooo just part of the journey!

Over a year ago, I opted to have a little "repair"...boobs and tummy. I have to say, it was quite a difficult decision for many reasons. The primary reason was that I was honestly concerned with what that choice would say about me and where my priorities are and that it would label me as excessively vain. I was worried about what people would think and that, somehow, that decision of MINE would bother or be disagreeable to my friends and/or acquaintances. It turns out, I had a myriad of responses! I will say, the majority of women that I know either already had made the leap themselves or are hoping to one day and were merely curious about recovery, size, etc. Then there were the few that had issues...that thought/think I was being vain and the ONLY reason anyone would ever choose to make this decision would be to flaunt them at the gym in a tank top! The truth of the matter is, they aren't really about that, but yet they were the beginning of me finding me again...about me finding myself in the midst of a crazy life.

So, I'm a mom, a wife, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a cousin, a clothes-washer, floor-mopper, food-maker, kitchen-cleaner, toilet-scrubber, carpool-driver, furniture-duster, discipline-giver, etc. I have so many things and actions that seem to define my life, but I discovered that none of them define ME...they define what I do for everyone else. Now, not to knock any of my life! I love my life! I chose it and I wouldn't choose to change it and I am fully aware that the above titles come with this territory! The difference is, I knew that I was losing ME in the middle of it all and I, honestly, hadn't realized it before now. So I got the surgery...and I tried to hide it...and I tried to justify it...and I was embarrassed by it for a while. But here's the thing, by my choosing to do that for ME, I made a huge step towards finding ME! I learned that what everyone else thinks doesn't matter. And I learned that repairing what carrying, birthing, nursing, and tending to 5 children did to my body was not vain, but essentially therapeutic! There is something to be said about lying down and not having your stomach lying next to you! I felt great and slowly gained confidence in myself that I think sometimes fades when spending so much time tending to daily life.

Jump ahead a bit...I decided to go back to school. Hence the book picture! I have been accepted into nursing school and am on the waiting list to begin. In the meantime, I am taking Microbiology to apply for a nursing scholarship in December. WOW! This class has been sooooo good for me! Using my mind and gaining knowledge and being with people with similar interests and goals and people who can carry on an adult conversation has been awesome! I cannot even begin to explain how much I have enjoyed this class! I had forgotten how much I enjoy learning and it is so different now compared to when I was 18 in that this is solely MY choice! I am finding ME! I am doing something for ME! And you know what? My family has had to sacrifice to make this possible and I love everyone of them for that. It has definitely been an adjustment, but in the long run it benefits every member of my family.

So, that's the leap. I got boobs and now I am learning and am finding things that are for ME and good for ME. I am strong and able...I am productive and smart...I am still a good mom and wife...and it's okay if they have to dig underwear for themselves out of the pile on the dryer--at least they are clean! And, despite it all, it IS fantastic to wear a tank top at the gym!

Boys don't shoe shop!

I fear this blog may turn into all the reasons why a girls would have been so much fun for me! I remember when I found out that Ethan was going to be a boy, I went into a bit of a funk...since I thought he was going the be the last and I was going to have all boys (by the time I was pregnant with Wade, I had completely given up hope!). Anyway, I was whining to Jesse about how he couldn't possibly understand since he would always have someone around who would want to wrestle and be dirty and feed rodents to reptiles with him but I would never have anyone who would want to go shoe shopping with me. I was right...


This is how ridiculous they are. Jesse and I were out driving to look at some land when Jesse spotted this snake in the road. He yelled for me to stop the car and turn around (and I have asked myself a hundred times since why I listened!). The snake angrily coiled and started striking at Jesse when he got out of the car so, the next OBVIOUS act would be to catch it, right?! He told me to watch the snake while he found a stick. I in turn looked at him in disgust and said...really...not gonna happen. So I got assigned stick hunting duty instead.

Jesse caught the snake, curled it around his arm, and said let's go. Until that point, I had not fully realized that is was going to travel with us not only to still go look at the land, but back home. Does everyone agree that I am a fairly awesome wife and mother at this point?

We got the snake home and turn-taking to hold said angry snake ensued. I was pretty sure the fun was going to end here. I was mistaken. The snake was then put on the ground, and bothered to get all angry again so Garrett and Cole could each take a turn learning how to catch an angry snake. No joke! I wouldn't make this up! This, apparently, is fun to the male population!


Here's how the next conversation went:

Me: (slightly panicked and worried-like) Oh My Gosh! They are going to get bit! What happens if they get bit?!

Jesse: (in a semi-disgusted tone) Well, then I guess they will have one hole on the top of their hand...and one on the bottom.

Sigh...I'm going to look for shoes.

Friends...

"A real friend is someone who walks in when the rest of the world walks out." Walter Winchell.

So...friends. Although my meager entries have truly been reflected on my crazy family and, more specifically my kids, the blog really is about me. If I ever get even remotely regular at this blogging thing, it will be about the events that surround me, and, by default, my perspective and feelings towards any event as they are my words doing the telling. It's reflecting my world as it revolves around this amazing life I lead. Now, don't get me wrong! By 'amazing' I don't always mean 'good', although there is TONS of 'good'! But amazing can have some fairly negative elements in the right situation (reference blender entry below!) Lately, my amazing has evoked quite a bit of introspection, inspection, and reflection which have enlightened me on my feelings on friends. So, as this is about me, I wanted to write about these thoughts in a way that I hope I will be able to reflect should the gumption arise.

Over my life, friends have appeared, disappeared and evolved. I have rarely been able to accurately predict any outcome, and have yet to be disappointed. I now also watch my kids with their friends and have watched how their friendships with various kids develop...or stagnate. Friends come in so many different packages and it seems they often also have a variety of functions. I am pretty sure everyone knows what I mean about that. I mean, I feel like for so long I thought that a true friendship had it's strength based on similarities. I found, instead, that the deepest friendships have immense differences! Those differences are tempered with respect and are non-judgmental. We can talk about two different sides of the same coin, question, explain, listen, and grow from each other. I am so grateful for the differences of the people around me and even more-so for their loving me despite our differences. You guys are simply divine!

With the crazy life we have had the last couple of years and the way my family is growing and changing, I have been able to gain real appreciation for my true friends. Surprisingly, to me anyways, some of my friends that have been the most supportive, inspirational, comforting, and reliable were not always the ones I predicted. They aren't necessarily the ones nearby or the ones I am able to talk to often...they may be ones I haven't talked to in months! Yet they have always been there and would drop anything to help me or be there for me if I ask. I have to express gratitude to all my friends and I am so grateful for not only what I learned from them, but what I was able to take from those friendships as well. I am fortunate enough to know some awesome women...women that have been such an example to me in SO MANY different ways. Friendship is definitely a journey of sorts...and the journey has been fantastic!

And to take me full circle to the quote above, it is so true. The friends that have been true friends to me have stayed with me, let me cry, let me laugh, listened to my garbage, rejoiced with me in my good times, and have always 'walked in' and stayed with me when the rest walked out. And, honestly, not all friends we have are meant to walk in when the rest walk out...some are there the rest of the time and are gratefully appreciated. And yet, there are the ones that stick by you! You can't knock a true friend!